I’m cleverer than Humans

July 25, 2009


No-one knows that I can read. Or understand English. I also understand a little French, but only enough to get by. My Dad bought ages ago a print called, ‘Le Chat Noir’ because he claimed I looked like the cat in it, and since then I’ve had hankerings to be a little bit more French. I am, however, from Hull, and there’s nothing even a beret could do to change that.

I live in Canada now, and at some point I will tell you how I ended up here but frankly I’m not over the trauma of being cooped up in a wooden crate for nearly 20 hours next to a frigging German Shepard called Dolly, so it’ll have to wait. Suffice to say, I live near a forest with: my Dad; The Mushroom; The Baby;The Hippy; The Cave Troll and That Black Dog. I love my Dad. I am very fond of The Mushroom, although I liked her more before she got all fat for a while and then disappeared for a week and came back with The Baby (She also stopped looking like a mushroom for quite a while as a) her hair was permenantly tied back in what she called a ‘Croydon Facelift’, although I haven’t a baldy what that means and b) her body wasn’t small anymore. Nooooh. At one point I was worried she might eat me. I digress).  The Baby I have to like because my Dad seems inordinately fond of her, but it takes all my self control not to swipe at her when they let her pull my tail. The Hippy, The Cave Troll and That Black Dog? Well, I’m still getting to know them. But I am not very fond of That Black Dog. Not very fond at all. Bastard.

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