What Lies Beneath

July 28, 2009


Allow me to explain the set-up here.

This is a big house, and we’re staying here for a while.  The house belongs to The Mushroom’s family. There are two of them. The Hippy. And the Cave Troll. I am not ashamed to admit that I am a little bit apprehensive of the latter, and deeply confused by the former. They both, incidentally, refer to me as ‘she’. I am a ‘he’. I may be minus my testiclods, but that does not a lady cat me make.

There was a question over whether or not I would be here now, as initially the plan was for me to stay in England whilst Dad, The Mushroom and The Baby sorted things out. That got right on my many redundant nipples. After having gone through the indignities involved in getting me travel ready and passported up, to shove me somewhere for twelve months seemed a little bit rude.

Anyway, here we are.

Still not ready to talk about the journey.

And I like it here. Although I do have some reservations.

Take this conversation, for example, overheard tonight.

Cave Troll: That cat of yours… I woke up at 5 this morning to find her opening the door of the basement…

Let’s just stop right there and even ignore the ‘she’. What were you doing up at five this morning, Mr Troll? And why were you down in the basement? I’ll tell you why. BECAUSE HE LIVES DOWN THERE. Now, I know enough about things to know when something odd is going on. He is down there ALL THE TIME. He reappears, eats, then goes back down. Big, loud, thumping noises come from down there. None of this is normal.

Cave Troll: It’s a clever cat, eh?

It? IT? Who am I, Pennywise the frigging clown? I’m a he! HE HE HE HE HE HE!

Sheesh.

So that is one reservation, the fact that they have a big bearded Cave Troll who, at best, thinks I’m a lady cat. And, of course, That Black Dog. Bastard ate my iams today. Everyone thinks that’s really funny. It frigging isn’t.

So I am watching this Cave Troll with a suspicious eye. And if you were wondering what I was doing in the basement at five o’clock in the morning, well, that’s none of your business.

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One Response to “What Lies Beneath”

  1. hayley said

    That black dog had better know himself. You don’t go around eating Iams that don’t belong to you. It’s just bad manners.

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